001 Elevate Your Life - Destiny Inspire
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Destiny Inspire: [00:00:00] Self-correction though. Cannot be confused with self-medication. See me, I self-medicated. I was taught, oh, you're the strong black woman.
You got this girl. Just keep going. Just don't stop. So as a result, I'm bleeding, but I'm bleeding at the same time. Yeah. [00:01:00] So today I'm super excited for our guest. Today's guest is a powerhouse of purpose and a walking example of what it means to rise after a fall. Destiny Inspire is a nationally recognized competence coach, transformational speaker and author who helps high achieving women shift from hidden.
J.E. Harrison: To healed and from stuck to unstoppable. Through her signature programs, books and dynamic stage presence, destiny empowers audiences to rebuild confidence, reclaim identity, and walk boldly in their God giving calling. She's raw. She's real and revolutionary, and today she's here to help you elevate your life from the inside out.
Destiny Inspire. Welcome to the Elevate Your Life [00:02:00] podcast. Hey, queen.
Destiny Inspire: Hey, I am beyond excited to be here with you, queen. Thank you for having.
J.E. Harrison: my goodness. So listen, I did my best to try to put in a very short intro what my experience has been like with Destiny inspired. So for people that may not be familiar with you or people that have, how would you describe yourself and the transformation that you have had in the last couple of years?
Destiny Inspire: Yeah, I would describe myself. I am a woman who refuses to settle for mediocrity in life. Who refuses to allow pain to keep me in a prison, and I use that pain and I converted to my power to help other, specifically high achieving, high performing women crush the limitations of self-doubt to really catapult their confidence in life, business, career, ministry in all facets of life, while still remaining connected to their [00:03:00] calling, which is that sense of fulfillment that we have in life.
J.E. Harrison: Wow that is absolutely amazing. And destiny, I can agree with all of that. So I wanted to start off by saying thank you and one of the main reasons I want to say thank you is because very shortly after I moved to the city of Atlanta in my mind I think we had maybe conversed a few times via dm.
So in my mind you were like my social media bestie. Okay so when I moved to Atlanta and I saw your itinerary and saw that you were somewhere close by, and I actually had the availability, I couldn't find tickets to the event, and I reached out to you and I said, Hey, by any chance, could you help me find the link for the tickets?
You actually responded to me, which actually spoke volumes. And then two, you said, Hey, I do have a comp ticket. Would you like my comp ticket? So I'm like. What I get to come and I get to be like her plus one say less. And not only that, destiny, you were so [00:04:00] warm, you were so welcoming. And even when the people that I was sitting at the table with had to leave and I was at the table by myself, you came over to me and said, Hey, come sit at the table with me.
And I feel like I'm tearing up even as I'm saying that because so many people they have these influencers that they watch, that they admire, and to actually meet them in person and to realize that the same presence and the same content that they're putting out in the world, they actually live it.
thank you for that experience because you actually renewed my hope that everybody is just not. Low down, dirty and cantankerous and just trying to get a sale on social media. So thank you for exemplifying the love of Christ. Like I'm sitting teared up too, like girl.
That just meant so much to me. I. I do wanna ask you, how important is it for you to make sure that your life is not just something that's glamorous online, but that you also show that same authenticity to people that might not have [00:05:00] anything to offer you?
They're just normal, everyday people like myself. What made you still show up in that way? Even offline? I.
Destiny Inspire: For me. I don't separate who I am. I am who I am in every facet. And so I always loved the example of David. David was always a king. Whether he was anointed or not, he was always a king. But who he was did not change. And the beauty of it was he was made a king. While he was still a shepherd, meaning he, he knew what it felt like to be on the outside looking at, he knew what it felt like.
For all of his brothers to gather together and for his father to acknowledge who they were and for him to still be in the field just serving, just loving the sheep, just being there, being one of them. And so even when he was called to come into the house, he still went back out to the sheep herd.
And so for me, I've experienced so much in my life, so much tragedy, so much trauma. Before I ever [00:06:00] was a destiny inspired, I experienced so much that I told myself I, I made a vow to God, said I want to be to other women. Everything that I've never had for myself, and I meant that. So when I said it I meant every word of it.
So when I see people, I don't see, yes I'm a queen, I walk in my power. But the thing is, when I see other women, other men, I see the queen in them. I see the king in them, regardless of what state or condition they may find themselves in. I see the greatness in them because I remember when I was a person that people didn't necessarily see who I really was.
They saw my persona, they saw my platform, they saw, and I've been a PK my whole life. A preacher's kid, pastor's kid. So there's an expectation to perform to be this or be that. But very few people saw me as a woman, as a young girl, as a person with real emotions, with real feelings, with real things that she battled and struggled with.
And [00:07:00] so as a result of that. Whenever I interact with people, whenever I'm around people, I make sure that they feel loved, that they feel valued, that they feel important, that they feel that they are a real person. So for me, there is no separation. I don't see myself differently or see people as less than, or that's not, that doesn't exist in me, and I can't stand people when they do that, grinds my gears, that irk
J.E. Harrison: So disappointing and then still trying to separate that. I'm like, you know what? I am not gonna show up the way they're showing up. Oh, I thought you were one way, but you're actually another. Okay. Lesson learn and keep moving. Yeah, so that, that just meant so much to me. And you know what, destiny, it takes so much energy.
To be two separate people, right? It takes a lot of energy to be one person online and one person offline. So I appreciate the authenticity of being who you are at all times, and something that you said, David was already a king. [00:08:00] He was all ready, a king. And that has been a part of my journey in life and I think yours as well, is finally realizing like, no, I've always been that chick.
I've always been that queen. I've always been that person. And finally owning it, stepping into it, and not shrinking because you don't want other people to be intimidated by your power. So that leads me into my next question. How are you able to have such confidence, especially in a culture and in a world that almost wants us to shrink back and not show up in our power, not use our voice, not use our femininity, right?
So how are you able to maintain that even when it may look like arrogance to other people?
Destiny Inspire: I've lived on both sides of the spectrum. People always assume, oh, you're the confidence queen, so you don't deal with this. You've never experienced this. You don't know what this is like. No, I [00:09:00] am considered the confidence queen because I've experienced it, because I've gone through it and I found a way out of it.
So I can remember being the young girl, the young woman, that people took advantage of it. They walked over, they didn't really hear what she had to say. They didn't take her seriously that she wasn't seen. She was invisible. Or all these things. I remember, and I remember getting to a point where I finally said, I'm tired.
I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of shrinking myself because again, there is an emotional, a physiological connection, a mind body connection. When our thoughts are like that, when our feelings are like that it releases negative toxins in our body. It makes us sick.
It makes us feel certain ways. It doesn't allow us to show up in our full power. I know what that feels like and I never wanna go back to that. That is a miserable life to live. And so when I walk into these rooms and I walk into these spaces, [00:10:00] one, the biggest thing is knowing my identity again, when I realize you've always been a queen, you just didn't show up aser.
You didn't allow your essence and your presence to radiate. And as women, we were made to operate in our natural femininity. I am my most powerful. When I am in my complete divine nature of my femininity, it doesn't mean I'm not assertive, but I can be assertive without being aggressive, and that's where my power lies, because whenever I try to operate as anything less than who I am, if I try to operate as a man, or as this or that diminishes who I'm, that steals my power.
When I shrink my voice or I shrink my presence, even in our body posture as women, how we carry our body has power and presence in it. I was talking about the other day, this is my anniversary from my NPC bodybuilding competition. A former athlete from national qualified athlete and part of [00:11:00] competing.
It's not just the package that you bring to the stage. It's not just how many, how much weight you lifted and how your physique and your muscles and your hamstring tie-ins. It's not just about that. A lot of the points you get even with the judges is your presence.
Can you take all that you did in secret in the gym?
And now can you show up like you know who you are? Can you walk on a stage and present it, not just throw it on the table? Okay. Look what I did. All right. No. Can you show up with your head up? Can you command the stage? Can you pose in such a way that you're not ashamed of what you've built, you're proud of your body.
So even as women, we walk in rooms, our presence is captivating because it's not just an outward thing. Confidence is an inward knowing that radiates on the outside. It's an essence. So yes, I can teach the women the body language of confidence, head up, chest out, eye contact, which are all good, but at the end of the day.
Confidence is not just a [00:12:00] feeling, it is a force that other people feel when you show up. And so knowing what that feels like when my shoulders were drooped in or I'm shrinking down, or my body is concaved in, and I'm wishing like, okay, I wish I was in that space, or am I good enough or are they gonna like me?
I remember the mental and physical anguish that I was in. So now when I show up, I'm reminded I never wanna be that girl again. And then also I want to give other women, men, whoever the permission to show up in their power. Because one, also, as a child of God, it doesn't serve the identity of who I say I am.
Who would wanna serve a God that I say I believe in when I'm walking in, like I'm worthless. Why would I wanna serve your God? They're serving these people over here and look how they show up. I wanna feel like that. I wanna look like that. I. So again, it speaks to identity, it speaks to [00:13:00] presence, and it speaks to your purpose.
When I enter a room I have to remove ego. So that's how it doesn't become arrogance. I take away ego. It's not about you. It's about what you're here to do. You are assigned for a specific purpose in this room, and if you walk out this room and don't accomplish what you were called and created to do, whose life will be devastated because of it.
Who will not get to where they were supposed to be because there was something you were supposed to say do show up as, and you refuse to do it because you made it about you. How will they see me? What will they think about me? Or, I'm all of that and you failed at the mission and I don't want to fail at my mission.
J.E. Harrison: Destiny. That was so powerful. That was so powerful. And I felt so much connection in that because I think oftentimes whoever the person is, we're constantly battling reasons why we should not show up in our power. And one of those main reasons that I had to [00:14:00] find out and that I identify within myself was comparison and understanding that comparison.
It really is the death of happiness. It prohibits you from being able to show up. And there's something about pain. There's something about experience. There's something about struggle. There's something about seeing God really take your most broken and vulnerable places that causes you to have greater confidence, right?
Because there are certain things that you can't tell me that I can't do. Why? Because I've already done them multiple times. I've seen God bring me through them. I've seen God make ways out of no ways. And as a result of that, it helped to build my confidence. So what I wanna ask you is, let's say you are talking to this young woman who is constantly shrinking in her confidence for whatever reason.
What would you say are the top two or three reasons why people really don't step into their purpose or step into [00:15:00] that unstoppable confidence, and what advice would you give them to be able to start making those steps to walking in their purpose and having that confidence?
Destiny Inspire: That's a really great question. So some of the top reasons that I found that high performers, high achieving women do not walk in that power is one. You shared that comparison trap. Because in some way we feel like we have to measure up. We feel like we have to be what someone else is or comparable to them.
When the reality is what you have may be what they are missing. So what you feel like they have that you're missing, you are the missing piece that they may need. And so when you show up that way, I remember showing up in rooms initially and oh my goodness, everyone has a bigger degree than me.
Everyone has more money than me. But when I began to switch my mindset to, okay, but you serve a purpose here, I. Then the people that you would think everyone would go to and talk to and wanna be after I opened up my mouth and spoke, people were waiting to talk to me because I had something [00:16:00] that I possess that they still needed.
Yes, I've got the degree, I've got the education, I've got this, I've got that. But there's a component that you have now that I need, and together we can make a difference. So it's a comparison, and then it's also a matter of identifying the root of it.
To every fruit there is a root. And a lot of times an instance like with perfectionism, we say, oh, I just want everything right before I do it.
So then the question I ask is, what is the worst that can happen? If it's not perfect,
Will people not like you? Will people make fun of you? Will they look down on you? And is that what you're afraid of? So it's facing the fear of what is the worst that could happen and is that what I'm afraid of?
And is it a real fear or a perceived fear?
It's still valid. Your feelings and your fears are valid, but is it a real fear or is it just a perceived fear? [00:17:00] Meaning if that happens, life actually still goes on. I'll actually still make it. I'll actually still be okay. And so the tips that I would give them, I call it my S3 formula.
It's self assess. Self-reflect, and self-correct. So the self-assess is just like in school or on a job, you're given an assessment. I need to see where you stand in this particular space. So I need to identify what areas of my life. Have I identified that I'm having problems in as a result of my confidence, my shrinking my self-doubt?
What are those areas and how can I tell if I were more confident, I would blank. If I were not afraid, I would blank. So identifying it through an assessment and now you have to self-reflect. I have to ask myself what is the earliest I remember feeling like this. I have to go. I have to. One of the hardest things for us to do is to sit with [00:18:00] ourselves, because when we sit with ourselves, we then have to deal with everything that we put in the background, the thoughts, the memories, the feelings.
As long as we're on the go, high performers, high achievers we're moving. And a lot of times that moving is a underlying motivation that we haven't address. So some are, some people have reached a level of success through healing that I'm just doing it. It's purpose, it's passion. I love it.
Now for some of us it's that, but it's also that driving force. I know a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people in business, they have the success story of, mama rejected me, daddy walked out, lover this, all of those things. But they didn't actually heal from them. So that is also still the driving force to their success.
Now, the problem with that is, yes, you're successful. Nobody knows the difference 'cause you've got results and receipts, but at the end of the day, you still don't. Feel fulfilled. You still feel that emptiness because you thought, if only I get the money, the [00:19:00] business, the success, the notoriety, then it will fill the void of the rejection, of the disappointment, of the lack of validation.
Never hearing, I was proud of you being compared. It will feel that void and I've gotten the success and I realize I'm still empty. So I'm a high performer. High achievements. I got all the things, but at the end of the day, people are more impressed than I am fulfilled. So that's the self-reflection.
What's the earliest I remember feeling like this. What's the moment that I started shrinking down? What's the moment that I did something and it wasn't perfect? And the feeling that I felt of disappointment, of shame, of embarrassing what someone said, what they did, how they made me feel. The memory may be gone.
But the feeling never left. So now, every time I get in a similar situation, I don't remember what happened, but the body keeps score, meaning my [00:20:00] physiology, something in me just feels it. And I can't tell you where it came from, but I know what I feel because the body does not forget. The emotions are now trapped in my body, my subconscious, it's still there.
So I gotta self-reflect and get to the root. Of where this is coming from, so I can stop pulling that fruit. Oh, I need another degree. Oh, maybe I need another this. Oh, maybe I just need to do that. I'm pulling different fruits, but the root I have to address, and that's where the self-correction comes in at.
Self-correction though. Cannot be confused with self-medication. See me, I self-medicated. When I could not deal with the weight of the pressure, of the feelings, the emotions that I did not like to deal with, I would self-medicate to drown them out. That looks different for everybody. When I had to go through seasons of depression as a result of divorce, because I was [00:21:00] not taught healthy coping skills, I was taught, oh, you're the strong black woman.
You got this girl. Just keep going. Just don't stop. So as a result, I'm bleeding, but I'm bleeding at the same time. Yeah. And I don't know how to heal the bleeding. So I turn to self-medication, I turn to alcohol. I'm high performer and high functioning alcoholic, almost still moving and grooving. Nobody knows the difference 'cause I can still show up and do what I do and no one knows.
I'm getting tattoos because I would rather choose my pain. I would rather feel the pain of a needle going through my body and watching the blood and taking it, being strong, proving my strength than to sit with myself, deal and heal. So self-reflect, will self-assess. Self-reflect and self-correct. You gotta find what's your self-correction.
Sometimes that's community accountability. Sometimes that's therapy, sometimes that's coaching, sometimes that's mentorship. I. Sometimes that's [00:22:00] changing how you eat, how your diet, your lifestyle changes. You gotta find out what your self-correction is because to every fruit that you are experiencing of shrinking, of not showing up, of comparison of unfulfillment, there is a greater root that you are not addressing.
J.E. Harrison: Listen, I dunno about you all, but I want y'all to know y'all just got a whole five figure coaching session right here because she just dropped Jim on top of Jim, and I'm actually sitting here taking my notes because I'm like, destiny. There is so much in that I have been able to identify within myself the point that you said about constantly pulling at the fruit.
And not really dealing with the roots, huh? Oh my goodness. Because if you don't deal with the root, you can pull the fruit all day long, but guess what? It's gonna keep showing up. It's gonna keep showing up in its season, in its time. That same fruit is gonna keep showing up if you do not deal with
Destiny Inspire: The worst part si is when it shows up when you least expect it at the [00:23:00] most inopportune times. Because we can sweep it for so long, but it waits. It's something about those things that you don't kill out. They will try to come and kill you out later. When you get to a certain pinnacle of success, you start climbing that ladder, whether it's career, family, whatever it is, and it comes back up and you're trying to figure out where did this come from?
How did it get here? Because it manifests itself differently. It can look different in different seasons of your life, so you gotta deal with it.
J.E. Harrison: You have to deal with it. Listen, and I'm so glad you brought up self-medication because I recall recently you posted some content on social media that really showed your life behind the scenes doing those very things, drinking the multiple tattoos, and just seeing the comments and the reactions I think it was very eye-opening for them to see. Your level of success, the way you carry yourself, miss Destiny, inspire. Yes, queen, all of the above, but to see what you were dealing [00:24:00] with behind the scenes. So could you talk a little bit more about what it means to have empathy and discernment and having the right connections and the right people around you that say, no, I see your success, but there's also a part of you that you need to heal.
And us as high achieving individuals, being open to those people in their, in our lives, that we give space to correct us when we're wrong.
Destiny Inspire: Yeah, that's so good. One of the reasons why we don't do it is because there is a stigma that we have that when you reach a certain level of success, you should not deal with certain things. You should not struggle with certain stuff. Like you, you're supposed to be here. You're supposed to be this. And so sometimes we have to wrestle with that internal war with if I show people who I really am, will they still respect me?
Will they still love me? Will they still see me the same way? So that is why it's important that we [00:25:00] are able to surround ourselves with people who have our best interests at heart. And that can be difficult. Because when you've been burned or you've dealt with betrayal, it's hard to let people
J.E. Harrison: So
Destiny Inspire: Let's be honest it's hard.
'cause sometimes betrayal is always an inside job. It never comes from the outside. I expect it from the outside. But when it comes from inside it, it causes me to build those walls where it's like, nah, I'm good. I'll deal with this my own way. In my own time. I would rather deal with the consequences of doing it wrong and face that myself than to let somebody else play me.
I'll play myself, but I'm not gonna let you play. But it's not gonna be you though. But it's important that we have that empathy. We have the heart of God to be able to show people, hey. I see you. One of my favorite movies, it was this movie called Beyond the Lights, and in this movie there was a, this pop star.
She was celebrity [00:26:00] little girl from another country. Her mom was the go-getter to make her become successful. And she just received one of the biggest awards of her career. And she goes into her hotel room, everyone's taking pictures, and she goes to her balcony and she never drinks, but she has alcoholic beverage in her hand.
And she gets ready to jump over the ledge the protagonist of the story, he's a security guard. He comes in and he is holding her arm. He's look at me, Noni look at me. And she won't look. She's ready to let go. And he simply says these three words, I see you. The way he said it, the empathy in which he said it in, she felt it.
She felt seen not just as this pop or sex icon, but as a woman who struggled with an internal word that nobody could see. And so we have to be able to show people that we see them. I respect what you do. I honor what you do. A lot of people I work with are high performers. People that I never post about.
They see the testimonials, but a lot of [00:27:00] people I work with who are really high performers, successful, you see 'em on tv, radio, and ministry and leadership. You would never know I work with them, but when they encounter me, I'm not in awe of them.
I honor you, but I'm not in awe of you because I also can discern and pick up that, hey, there are some things that you actually are hiding that you need help with.
J.E. Harrison: Yeah.
Destiny Inspire: and that this is a safe space. I always say I create sacred, safe spaces because I know what that's like. Being on a pedestal, a platform, a performance, and you don't have a safe space to land. If you jump out there with who you are, your emotions, you will fall flat on your face because no one will be there to catch you.
So it's important that you position yourself around people you trust and that us as the trustworthy ones. We lead with showing our vulnerabilities. Hey, I see you
J.E. Harrison: Yeah.
Destiny Inspire: and I'm not afraid to show you my areas of weakness. I love my mother [00:28:00] rest her soul. I was her full-time caregiver before she recently passed away with metastatic breast cancer.
She was an amazing woman. First lady, a leader in the community, a pillar. She did gospel radio for over 30 years, so she was responsible for a lot of careers being catapulted and going further. She had a beautiful testimony, however, that she was gloriously saved her whole life and I love that so much.
Nevertheless, when it came to me as a daughter, we had a disconnect 'cause she met my father at a young age. They were married her entire life. Only man she knew, met faithful man. True, honest, integral. I didn't have that story. I experienced a lot more life than she did and I can remember being in the kitchen one day on my lunch break at work.
I was going through divorce, I had left my father's church dealing with a lot of things that I, that no one really could seem to understand. I was, I guess you'd call it acting out, whatever you wanna call it. But she, I remember in the kitchen, she looked at me and she goes, what's wrong with you?
[00:29:00] I wish you would go back to how you used to be. And in that moment I wanted to go back and forth with her. I was like mom, you don't understand. You've never experienced divorce, you've never had this happen to you. This man never did. You know all the things. And she looked at me, she's yeah I used to do this and do that and counsel people.
And I'm like, mom, but it's not the same. And I remember wanting to rebuttal, but I looked in her eyes. And although she meant while she was sweet, I could look in her eyes and see that it just wasn't there. She didn't get it. And so I said, you know what, mom? I forgive you. I said, it's not your fault. I said, it's okay.
I forgive you because you don't understand. And it was at that moment that I realized you have to be able to go beyond yourself and really feel what people are experiencing. But if you don't come down from your high horse, not even of arrogance, but of perspective, I, my prayer is that God help me to see people beyond what they show me. Even when [00:30:00] they're angry or they're resentful, or maybe they're arrogant or they're standoffish or they're displaying a behavior that I wouldn't display. Help me to look beyond even that and see, okay, what's the root of this? What happened to you now? What's wrong with you? I don't believe people are broken projects that I gotta come save and fix.
No, what happened to you? Because there's a reason that you're showing up like that. So that's why it's important to have. Sacred safe spaces and to be open to those spaces so we can really deal and heal and help the world.
J.E. Harrison: Wow, that was so powerful, and I am just sitting here thinking about the safe spaces in my life, and I consider myself extremely blessed to have at least, I could say, probably about four or five people that I could call being JE evangelist, whatever the case may be. And be completely vulnerable with them and know that they're not gonna see me any differently.
They gonna call me out. [00:31:00] But you know what? I trust them enough and I've given them that space to do that. And even the Bible says that there is safety in the multitude of counselors. So I'm grateful for the people that I have in my life that can be a safe space for me.
Destiny Inspire: Shout out to Jay. Safe spaces. We need her.
J.E. Harrison: We need safe spaces, girl. For sure. Destiny, I'm gonna, pivot into this segment, and so I like to call this segment Okay. So I am gonna ask you five rapid fire questions, and you just fire off what comes off top of your mind. Okay? All right. Ready? Okay, first question, one habit that has changed your life.
Destiny Inspire: rest.
J.E. Harrison: Favorite scripture to stand on when things feel heavy.
Destiny Inspire: Psalms 1 39, 13 through 14.
J.E. Harrison: Most elevated decision you've made in your career?
Destiny Inspire: Forgiveness,[00:32:00]
J.E. Harrison: Ooh, that one was good. Okay. All right. How do you stay spiritually grounded and professionally? Excellent.
Destiny Inspire: character and integrity.
J.E. Harrison: If you could send a 15 second voice memo to your younger self, what would you say?
Destiny Inspire: You are worthy. You are enough. You are excellent. You are chosen, you are loved. Never think anything less than Open up your eyes, look inside, not what's on the outside.
J.E. Harrison: And there you have it y'all. That's Miss Destiny Inspire, and that's why she's here on the Elevate Your Life Podcast Destiny. Girl, I'm humbled. I'm honored, and I am hopeful and prayerful that this episode will touch the lives of so many incredible people. Thank you for being you. Thank you for showing up in your vulnerability.
Thank you for being the same on and offline. I'm [00:33:00] so honored to have you. Destiny, before we log off. How can people reach out to you, connect with you, purchase your books, how can they support you?
Destiny Inspire: yes. They can simply type in destiny, inspire. On Google and they can find me. But I'm Destiny Inspire on Instagram, destin inspire.com. On my website Destin Inspire on Facebook, anywhere you look, Destin Inspire you can purchase my books and other courses. You can schedule sessions with me. Also, I do coaching.
I come in corporate spaces. I do ministry events. I do nonprofits, women events, whatever you need to build and elevate, as Jay talks about, elevate
J.E. Harrison: Yes.
Destiny Inspire: Yeah, the confidence, the competence, and the courage of your audience and those that you serve as well as yourself.
J.E. Harrison: Awesome. What Destin Inspire. Thank you again. I love you.
Destiny Inspire: I love you back, queen. Thank you for having me. [00:34:00]
